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I don't pray because I don't want to bore God. 2009.09.06 17:24
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When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself. 2009.09.06 17:21
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A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good. 2009.09.06 17:18
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Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead. 2009.09.06 17:15
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The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight. 2009.09.06 17:12
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Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. 2009.09.06 17:9
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. 2009.09.06 17:5
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There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. 2009.09.06 17:1
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When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite. 2009.09.06 16:58
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language. 2009.09.06 16:55
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Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. 2009.09.06 16:52
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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door. 2009.09.06 16:49
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To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him 2009.09.06 16:46
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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. 2009.09.06 16:43
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Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches. 2009.09.06 16:40
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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. 2009.09.06 16:38
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Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels혻! 2009.09.06 16:35
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket? 2009.09.06 16:31
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Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. 2009.09.06 16:28
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Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. 2009.09.06 16:25
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A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force. 2009.09.06 16:22
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UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity. 2009.09.06 16:19
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A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls. 2009.09.06 16:15
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Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. 2009.09.06 16:11
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Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. 2009.09.06 16:7
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true. 2009.09.06 16:4
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Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead. 2009.09.06 16:1
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The truth is more important than the facts. 2009.09.06 15:58
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All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right. 2009.09.06 15:55
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In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up. 2009.09.06 15:51
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A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.' 2009.09.06 15:48
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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. 2009.09.06 15:45
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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. 2009.09.06 15:42
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A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar. 2009.09.06 15:39
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If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction. 2009.09.06 15:36
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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. 2009.09.06 15:33
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The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier. 2009.09.06 15:30
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Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings. 2009.09.06 15:27
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The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with. 2009.09.06 15:23
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We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself. 2009.09.06 15:20
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The best way to predict the future is to invent it. 2009.09.06 15:16
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An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible. 2009.09.06 15:13
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I criticize by creation - not by finding fault. 2009.09.06 15:10
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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! 2009.09.06 15:6
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Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment. 2009.09.06 15:3
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You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is! 2009.09.06 15:0
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If you are going through hell, keep going. 2009.09.06 14:57
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Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art. 2009.09.06 14:54
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What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position. 2009.09.06 14:51
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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time 2009.09.06 14:48
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Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor. 2009.09.06 14:45
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The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit. 2009.09.06 14:41
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True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb. 2009.09.06 14:38
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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable. 2009.09.06 14:35
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Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question 2009.09.06 14:31
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Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers. 2009.09.06 14:27
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Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female. 2009.09.06 14:23
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When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read. 2009.09.06 14:20
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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door. 2009.09.06 14:17
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Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. 2009.09.06 14:14
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Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist. 2009.09.06 14:11
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When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world. 2009.09.06 14:8
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Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers. 2009.09.06 14:5
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If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura. 2009.09.06 14:2
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It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners. 2009.09.06 13:59
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No one can earn a million dollars honestly. 2009.09.06 13:56
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. 2009.09.06 13:53
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It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell. 2009.09.06 13:50
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All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right. 2009.09.06 13:47
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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. 2009.09.06 13:41
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If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it. 2009.09.06 13:37
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He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death. 2009.09.06 13:33
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I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. 2009.09.06 13:30
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Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. 2009.09.06 13:27
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture. 2009.09.06 13:24
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Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how. 2009.09.06 13:20
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A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. 2009.09.06 13:18
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A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny. 2009.09.06 13:14
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Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature. 2009.09.06 13:11
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Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead. 2009.09.06 13:8
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In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite. 2009.09.06 13:5
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Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. 2009.09.06 13:2
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We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out. 2009.09.06 12:58
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Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get. 2009.09.06 12:55
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing. 2009.09.06 12:52
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Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any. 2009.09.06 12:49
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It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts. 2009.09.06 12:45
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Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax. 2009.09.06 12:41
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Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers. 2009.09.06 12:38
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We have art to save ourselves from the truth. 2009.09.06 12:35
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Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think. 2009.09.06 12:31
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Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment. 2009.09.06 12:28
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Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. 2009.09.06 12:25
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I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album. 2009.09.06 12:22
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Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. 2009.09.06 12:19
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Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do! 2009.09.06 12:16
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People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. 2009.09.06 12:13
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Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers. 2009.09.06 12:10
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. 2009.09.06 12:6
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It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. 2009.09.06 12:3
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Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake. 2009.09.06 12:0
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I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter. 2009.09.06 11:56
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Happiness is good health and a bad memory. 2009.09.06 11:52
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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. 2009.09.06 11:49
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University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. 2009.09.06 11:46
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It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration. 2009.09.06 11:43
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Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead. 2009.09.06 11:39
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them. 2009.09.06 11:36
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Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer. 2009.09.06 11:33
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If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem. 2009.09.06 11:30
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Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you. 2009.09.06 11:26
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Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable. 2009.09.06 11:23
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred. 2009.09.06 11:19
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I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it. 2009.09.06 11:16
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Maybe this world is another planet's Hell. 2009.09.06 11:12
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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. 2009.09.06 11:8
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Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in. 2009.09.06 11:4
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. 2009.09.06 11:1
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Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on. 2009.09.06 10:58
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You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough. 2009.09.06 10:55
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Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood. 2009.09.06 10:52
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. 2009.09.06 10:49
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One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you. 2009.09.06 10:46
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In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies. 2009.09.06 10:43
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Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it. 2009.09.06 10:40
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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. 2009.09.06 10:36
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture. 2009.09.06 10:33
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Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings. 2009.09.06 10:30
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Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory. 2009.09.06 10:27
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... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs. 2009.09.06 10:23
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The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity. 2009.09.06 10:19
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If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? 2009.09.06 10:15
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A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar. 2009.09.06 10:12
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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes. 2009.09.06 10:9
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A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light 2009.09.06 10:6
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred. 2009.09.06 10:3
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Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact. 2009.09.06 10:0
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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2. 2009.09.06 9:57
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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example. 2009.09.06 9:53
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Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 2009.09.06 9:50
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I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. 2009.09.06 9:47
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If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens? 2009.09.06 9:44
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Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains. 2009.09.06 9:40
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How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself. 2009.09.06 9:36
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Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. 2009.09.06 9:32
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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time 2009.09.06 9:29
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There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. 2009.09.06 9:26
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For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died. 2009.09.06 9:22
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Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin. 2009.09.06 9:19
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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. 2009.09.06 9:16
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Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest. 2009.09.06 9:13
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He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death. 2009.09.06 9:10
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The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense. 2009.09.06 9:7
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. 2009.09.06 9:3
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You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. 2009.09.06 9:0
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Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. 2009.09.06 8:56
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. 2009.09.06 8:53
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Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones. 2009.09.06 8:49
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Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches. 2009.09.06 8:45
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Black holes are where God divided by zero. 2009.09.06 8:42
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A narcissist is someone better looking than you are. 2009.09.06 8:39
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If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem. 2009.09.06 8:35
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If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check. 2009.09.06 8:32
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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. 2009.09.06 8:29
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He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know. 2009.09.06 8:26
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Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it. 2009.09.06 8:22
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Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest. 2009.09.06 8:19
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No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off. 2009.09.06 8:15
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We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time. 2009.09.06 8:12
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In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up. 2009.09.06 8:8
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Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it 2009.09.06 8:3
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Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. 2009.09.06 8:0
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Black holes are where God divided by zero. 2009.09.06 7:57
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Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones. 2009.09.06 7:54
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Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. 2009.09.06 7:51
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket? 2009.09.06 7:47
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A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. 2009.09.06 7:44
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They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-- 2009.09.06 7:41
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The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting. 2009.09.06 7:37
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It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right. 2009.09.06 7:34
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I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked. 2009.09.06 7:30
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A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family. 2009.09.06 7:27
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Barab찼si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do 혰 whether it is correct or not. 2009.09.06 7:22
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The graveyards are full of indispensable men. 2009.09.06 7:19
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There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread. 2009.09.06 7:16
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The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad. 2009.09.06 7:12
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Mit der Dummheit k채mpfen G철tter selbst vergebens 2009.09.06 7:9
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Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist. 2009.09.06 7:6
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Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. 2009.09.06 7:2
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The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory. 2009.09.06 6:59
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Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. 2009.09.06 6:56
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I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. 2009.09.06 6:52
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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? 2009.09.06 6:49
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Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. 2009.09.06 6:46
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I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It. 2009.09.06 6:42
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When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction. 2009.09.06 6:39
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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. 2009.09.06 6:35
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I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. 2009.09.06 6:32
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It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion. 2009.09.06 6:28
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The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim. 2009.09.06 6:25
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In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite. 2009.09.06 6:22
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Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down. 2009.09.06 6:19
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Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in. 2009.09.06 6:16
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An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible. 2009.09.06 6:12
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One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. 2009.09.06 6:9
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Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research. 2009.09.06 6:6
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Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. 2009.09.06 6:3
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I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it. 2009.09.06 5:59
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. 2009.09.06 5:56
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. 2009.09.06 5:53
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Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. 2009.09.06 5:49
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If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight. 2009.09.06 5:45
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining. 2009.09.06 2:51
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Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. 2009.09.06 2:40
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In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take. 2009.09.06 2:24
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A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny. 2009.09.06 2:21
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It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners. 2009.09.06 2:18
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You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough. 2009.09.06 2:15
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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat. 2009.09.06 2:12
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Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art. 2009.09.06 2:9
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Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly. 2009.09.06 2:6
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Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. 2009.09.06 2:2
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An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible. 2009.09.06 1:59
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A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. 2009.09.06 1:56
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War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man. 2009.09.06 1:53
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If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign. 2009.09.06 1:50
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The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all. 2009.09.06 1:47
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Smith & Wesson 혰 the original point and click interface. 2009.09.06 1:43
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A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives. 2009.09.06 1:39
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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted. 2009.09.06 1:36
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket? 2009.09.06 1:33
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Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'. 2009.09.06 1:29
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You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. 2009.09.06 1:26
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Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art. 2009.09.06 1:23
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We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. 2009.09.06 1:20
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Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California. 2009.09.06 1:17
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It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. 2009.09.06 1:13
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Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent. 2009.09.06 1:10
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Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you! 2009.09.06 1:6
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Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else. 2009.09.06 1:3
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When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction. 2009.09.06 1:0
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I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president. 2009.09.06 0:57
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Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest. 2009.09.06 0:54
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I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means. 2009.09.06 0:51
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If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? 2009.09.06 0:47
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The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case. 2009.09.06 0:44
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Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. 2009.09.06 0:40
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Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers. 2009.09.06 0:37
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We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time. 2009.09.06 0:34
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Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour. 2009.09.06 0:31
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About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead. 2009.09.06 0:28
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We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. 2009.09.06 0:25
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The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently 2009.09.06 0:22
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? 2009.09.06 0:19
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I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor. 2009.09.06 0:16
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Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning? 2009.09.06 0:13
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I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it. 2009.09.06 0:10
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There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal. 2009.09.06 0:7
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Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost. 2009.09.06 0:4
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Why don't you write books people can read? 2009.09.06 0:1
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me. 2009.09.05 23:58
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C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language 2009.09.05 23:55
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C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language 2009.09.05 23:52
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Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do! 2009.09.05 23:49
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Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love . 2009.09.05 23:45
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If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't. 2009.09.05 23:41
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There is no sincerer love than the love of food. 2009.09.05 23:37
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Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies. 2009.09.05 23:34
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Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it. 2009.09.05 23:30
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For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. 2009.09.05 23:27
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We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. 2009.09.05 23:24
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The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault. 2009.09.05 23:21
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When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself. 2009.09.05 23:18
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You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is! 2009.09.05 23:15
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They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-- 2009.09.05 23:12
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Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood. 2009.09.05 23:9
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. 2009.09.05 23:6
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Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism. 2009.09.05 23:3
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket? 2009.09.05 23:0
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There is no sincerer love than the love of food. 2009.09.05 22:57
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Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood. 2009.09.05 22:54
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And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. 2009.09.05 22:51
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If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one. 2009.09.05 22:47
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I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means. 2009.09.05 22:43
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Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art. 2009.09.05 22:40
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Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how. 2009.09.05 22:36
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. 2009.09.05 22:33
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A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship. 2009.09.05 22:30
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Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. 2009.09.05 22:27
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We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough? 2009.09.05 22:24
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I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor. 2009.09.05 22:21
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My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate. 2009.09.05 22:18
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. 2009.09.05 22:15
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The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready. 2009.09.05 22:12
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language. 2009.09.05 22:9
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Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches. 2009.09.05 22:5
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Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things. 2009.09.05 22:2
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If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them. 2009.09.05 21:59
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Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++. 2009.09.05 21:56
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The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions. 2009.09.05 21:52
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. 2009.09.05 21:49
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A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood. 2009.09.05 21:46
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If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in. 2009.09.05 21:42
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The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit. 2009.09.05 21:39
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I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less. 2009.09.05 21:35
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I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. 2009.09.05 21:32
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The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad. 2009.09.05 21:29
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University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. 2009.09.05 21:26
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One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. 2009.09.05 21:23
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Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. 2009.09.05 21:20
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Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction. 2009.09.05 21:17
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It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher. 2009.09.05 21:14
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The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties. 2009.09.05 21:11
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A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it. 2009.09.05 21:8
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I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need. 2009.09.05 21:5
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. 2009.09.05 21:2
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The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes! 2009.09.05 20:59
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Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. 2009.09.05 20:56
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The cynics are right nine times out of ten. 2009.09.05 20:53
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Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. 2009.09.05 20:50
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You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one. 2009.09.05 20:46
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The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people. 2009.09.05 20:43
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I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind. 2009.09.05 20:39
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Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. 2009.09.05 20:36
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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example. 2009.09.05 20:32
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A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done. 2009.09.05 20:29
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You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest. 2009.09.05 20:26
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Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. 2009.09.05 20:22
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Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. 2009.09.05 20:19
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There is no sincerer love than the love of food. 2009.09.05 20:16
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Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs. 2009.09.05 20:13
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. 2009.09.05 20:9
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. 2009.09.05 20:6
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You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one. 2009.09.05 20:3
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Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn. 2009.09.05 20:0
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Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house. 2009.09.05 19:57
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Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. 2009.09.05 19:54
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Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches. 2009.09.05 19:50
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A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.' 2009.09.05 19:46
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A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny. 2009.09.05 19:43
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Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure. 2009.09.05 19:40
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I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. 2009.09.05 19:37
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. 2009.09.05 19:33
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My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. 2009.09.05 19:30
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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. 2009.09.05 19:24
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C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language 2009.09.05 19:21
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All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl. 2009.09.05 19:18
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A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light 2009.09.05 19:15
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The cynics are right nine times out of ten. 2009.09.05 19:12
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The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim. 2009.09.05 19:9
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It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. 2009.09.05 19:6
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To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so. 2009.09.05 19:3
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Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. 2009.09.05 18:59
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Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. 2009.09.05 18:56
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The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney... 2009.09.05 18:52
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Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems. 2009.09.05 18:48
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The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown. 2009.09.05 18:44
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One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. 2009.09.05 18:41
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USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. 2009.09.05 18:38
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Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor. 2009.09.05 18:34
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All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right. 2009.09.05 18:31
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The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology. 2009.09.05 18:28
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He managed to stupid himself right into the White House. 2009.09.05 18:25
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Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit. 2009.09.05 18:22
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That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you. 2009.09.05 18:19
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Talent does what it can; genius does what it must. 2009.09.05 18:16
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If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them. 2009.09.05 18:13
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Happiness is good health and a bad memory. 2009.09.05 18:10
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The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity. 2009.09.05 18:7
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In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take. 2009.09.05 18:4
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Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. 2009.09.05 18:1
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Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours. 2009.09.05 17:58
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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers. 2009.09.05 17:54
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Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. 2009.09.05 17:51
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If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement. 2009.09.05 17:47
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Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore. 2009.09.05 17:44
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me. 2009.09.05 17:41
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Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood. 2009.09.05 17:38
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Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer. 2009.09.05 17:35
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Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? 2009.09.05 17:32
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The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight. 2009.09.05 17:28
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And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. 2009.09.05 17:25
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We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents. 2009.09.05 17:22
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. 2009.09.05 17:19
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Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. 2009.09.05 17:16
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Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure. 2009.09.05 17:13
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The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with. 2009.09.05 17:9
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Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it. 2009.09.05 17:6
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Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians. 2009.09.05 17:3
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We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. 2009.09.05 17:0
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. 2009.09.05 16:56
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Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. 2009.09.05 16:52
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. 2009.09.05 16:49
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Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle. 2009.09.05 16:46
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When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras. 2009.09.05 16:43
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The graveyards are full of indispensable men. 2009.09.05 16:39
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We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees. 2009.09.05 16:36
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For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. 2009.09.05 16:33
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Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production? 2009.09.05 16:30
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If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out? 2009.09.05 16:27
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Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box. 2009.09.05 16:24
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Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. 2009.09.05 16:21
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Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives 2009.09.05 16:18
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To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him 2009.09.05 16:15
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No one can earn a million dollars honestly. 2009.09.05 16:12
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Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. 2009.09.05 16:9
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If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it? 2009.09.05 16:6
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If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it. 2009.09.05 16:2
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If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance. 2009.09.05 15:59
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Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law. 2009.09.05 15:55
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. 2009.09.05 15:51
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They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem. 2009.09.05 15:48
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The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes! 2009.09.05 15:45
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I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. 2009.09.05 15:41
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If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you. 2009.09.05 15:38
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If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight. 2009.09.05 15:35
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He managed to stupid himself right into the White House. 2009.09.05 15:32
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The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity. 2009.09.05 15:29
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them. 2009.09.05 15:25
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When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction. 2009.09.05 15:22
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. 2009.09.05 15:19
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You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest. 2009.09.05 15:16
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I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car... 2009.09.05 15:12
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Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you. 2009.09.05 15:9
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Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window? 2009.09.05 15:6
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Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain 2009.09.05 15:3
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You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. 2009.09.05 14:59
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Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. 2009.09.05 14:55
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Smith & Wesson 혰 the original point and click interface. 2009.09.05 14:52
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So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.' 2009.09.05 14:49
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The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions. 2009.09.05 14:46
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Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles. 2009.09.05 14:43
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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. 2009.09.05 14:40
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them. 2009.09.05 14:37
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If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it? 2009.09.05 14:34
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Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction. 2009.09.05 14:31
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My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore. 2009.09.05 14:28
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If there혪s one thing I know it혪s God does love a good joke. 2009.09.05 14:25
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Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead. 2009.09.05 14:22
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If a man does his best, what else is there? 2009.09.05 14:19
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As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air 혰 however slight 혰 lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness. 2009.09.05 14:16
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred. 2009.09.05 14:13
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The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. 2009.09.05 14:10
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To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes. 2009.09.05 14:7
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It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. 2009.09.05 14:3
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Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems. 2009.09.05 14:0
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Computers are useless; they can only give you answers. 2009.09.05 13:56
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Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions. 2009.09.05 13:52
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I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California. 2009.09.05 13:49
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The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with. 2009.09.05 13:46
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Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others. 2009.09.05 13:43
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Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are. 2009.09.05 13:40
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What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position. 2009.09.05 13:37
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When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite. 2009.09.05 13:34
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The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it. 2009.09.05 13:31
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Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how. 2009.09.05 13:28
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In this war 혯 as in others 혯 I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead. 2009.09.05 13:25
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Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours. 2009.09.05 13:22
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A model is done when nothing else can be taken out. 2009.09.05 13:19
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language. 2009.09.05 13:16
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Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think. 2009.09.05 13:13
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To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes. 2009.09.05 13:10
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Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction. 2009.09.05 13:7
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Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love . 2009.09.05 13:4
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Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you! 2009.09.05 13:1
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You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest. 2009.09.05 12:57
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Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday. 2009.09.05 12:54
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The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it. 2009.09.05 12:50
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The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. 2009.09.05 12:47
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me. 2009.09.05 12:44
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ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI혻! 2009.09.05 12:41
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We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. 2009.09.05 12:38
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How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself. 2009.09.05 12:35
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Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist. 2009.09.05 12:32
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Write a wise word and your name will live forever. 2009.09.05 12:29
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If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you. 2009.09.05 12:26
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There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal. 2009.09.05 12:22
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Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. 2009.09.05 12:19
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. 2009.09.05 12:16
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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes. 2009.09.05 12:13
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The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault. 2009.09.05 12:9
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We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children. 2009.09.05 12:6
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The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit. 2009.09.05 12:3
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I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter. 2009.09.05 11:59
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I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. 2009.09.05 11:55
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. 2009.09.05 11:51
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I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass. 2009.09.05 11:48
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To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance 2009.09.05 11:45
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred. 2009.09.05 11:42
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I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat! 2009.09.05 11:39
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Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow. 2009.09.05 11:36
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After every 'victory' you have more enemies. 2009.09.05 11:33
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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? 2009.09.05 11:30
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The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it. 2009.09.05 11:27
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It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. 2009.09.05 11:24
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Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run. 2009.09.05 11:21
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Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. 2009.09.05 11:18
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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. 2009.09.05 11:15
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Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head. 2009.09.05 11:12
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Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable. 2009.09.05 11:9
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A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done. 2009.09.05 11:6
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture. 2009.09.05 11:3
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. 2009.09.05 11:0
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Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right. 2009.09.05 10:56
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. 2009.09.05 10:52
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Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels혻! 2009.09.05 10:49
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For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died. 2009.09.05 10:46
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You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. 2009.09.05 10:42
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Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people. 2009.09.05 10:39
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Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies. 2009.09.05 10:36
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The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being. 2009.09.05 10:33
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. 2009.09.05 10:30
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The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again. 2009.09.05 10:27
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A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...) 2009.09.05 10:24
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. 2009.09.05 10:20
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There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. 2009.09.05 10:17
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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat. 2009.09.05 10:14
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Men have become the tools of their tools. 2009.09.05 10:11
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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac? 2009.09.05 10:8
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Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. 2009.09.05 10:5
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Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? 2009.09.05 10:2
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Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity. 2009.09.05 9:58
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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means. 2009.09.05 9:55
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. 2009.09.05 9:51
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Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler. 2009.09.05 9:48
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Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste. 2009.09.05 9:45
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Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. 2009.09.05 9:42
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To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance 2009.09.05 9:39
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Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. 2009.09.05 9:36
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We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees. 2009.09.05 9:33
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It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts. 2009.09.05 9:30
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To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes. 2009.09.05 9:27
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If a man does his best, what else is there? 2009.09.05 9:24
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Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer. 2009.09.05 9:21
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If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction. 2009.09.05 9:17
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God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. 2009.09.05 9:14
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I must confess, I was born at a very early age. 2009.09.05 9:11
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Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. 2009.09.05 9:7
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The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it. 2009.09.05 9:4
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No one can earn a million dollars honestly. 2009.09.05 9:1
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Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working. 2009.09.05 8:57
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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. 2009.09.05 8:53
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There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. 2009.09.05 8:50
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Opportunities multiply as they are seized. 2009.09.05 8:46
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Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame. 2009.09.05 8:43
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It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration. 2009.09.05 8:40
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In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite. 2009.09.05 8:37
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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. 2009.09.05 8:34
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The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead. 2009.09.05 8:31
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As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air 혰 however slight 혰 lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness. 2009.09.05 8:28
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Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you! 2009.09.05 8:25
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A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. 2009.09.05 8:22
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To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me. 2009.09.05 8:19
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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door. 2009.09.05 8:16
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Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood. 2009.09.05 8:13
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What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position. 2009.09.05 8:10
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What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage. 2009.09.05 8:7
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After every 'victory' you have more enemies. 2009.09.05 8:3
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Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint. 2009.09.05 8:0
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I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television. 2009.09.05 7:56
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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! 2009.09.05 7:53
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In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear. 2009.09.05 7:49
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I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife. 2009.09.05 7:46
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The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side 2009.09.05 7:43
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People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. 2009.09.05 7:40
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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. 2009.09.05 7:37
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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. 2009.09.05 7:34
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I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it. 2009.09.05 7:31
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No one can earn a million dollars honestly. 2009.09.05 7:28
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They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem. 2009.09.05 7:24
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Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do! 2009.09.05 7:21
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Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action. 2009.09.05 7:18
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? 2009.09.05 7:14
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Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers. 2009.09.05 7:11
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Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint. 2009.09.05 7:8
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If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. 2009.09.05 7:5
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Write a wise word and your name will live forever. 2009.09.05 7:2
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It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it. 2009.09.05 6:58
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I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died. 2009.09.05 6:54
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. 2009.09.05 6:51
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There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. 2009.09.05 6:48
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A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation. 2009.09.05 6:45
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Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think. 2009.09.05 6:42
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. 2009.09.05 6:39
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You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest. 2009.09.05 6:36
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. 2009.09.05 6:33
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Everything that can be invented has been invented. 2009.09.05 6:30
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There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. 2009.09.05 6:27
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If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. 2009.09.05 6:24
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What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position. 2009.09.05 6:20
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From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. 2009.09.05 6:17
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You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks. 2009.09.05 6:14
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The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney... 2009.09.05 6:11
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Talent does what it can; genius does what it must. 2009.09.05 6:8
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. 2009.09.05 6:5
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A narcissist is someone better looking than you are. 2009.09.05 6:2
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All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men. 2009.09.05 5:57
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And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings 2009.09.05 5:50
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If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease. 2009.09.05 5:47
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One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. 2009.09.05 5:44
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You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is! 2009.09.05 5:41
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Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow. 2009.09.05 5:37
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Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes. 2009.09.05 5:34
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Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain 2009.09.05 5:31
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Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet. 2009.09.05 5:28
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The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same. 2009.09.05 5:25
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The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it. 2009.09.05 5:22
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There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it. 2009.09.05 5:18
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The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault. 2009.09.05 5:15
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true. 2009.09.05 5:12
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From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. 2009.09.05 5:9
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. 2009.09.05 5:5
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If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement. 2009.09.05 5:1
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.' 2009.09.05 4:58
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The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers. 2009.09.05 4:55
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. 2009.09.05 4:52
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An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible. 2009.09.05 4:49
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Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies. 2009.09.05 4:46
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them. 2009.09.05 4:43
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You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest. 2009.09.05 4:39
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To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance 2009.09.05 4:36
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Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it 2009.09.05 4:33
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The cynics are right nine times out of ten. 2009.09.05 4:30
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. 2009.09.05 4:27
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Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else. 2009.09.05 4:23
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Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors. 2009.09.05 4:20
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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe? 2009.09.05 4:16
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Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate. 2009.09.05 4:13
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And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings 2009.09.05 4:9
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A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. 2009.09.05 4:5
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Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity. 2009.09.05 4:2
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There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. 2009.09.05 3:58
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Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent. 2009.09.05 3:55
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The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. 2009.09.05 3:52
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Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down. 2009.09.05 3:49
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And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings 2009.09.05 3:46
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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door. 2009.09.05 3:43
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I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked. 2009.09.05 3:40
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I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them. 2009.09.05 3:37
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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat. 2009.09.05 3:33
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Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors. 2009.09.05 3:30
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Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest. 2009.09.05 3:27
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Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. 2009.09.05 3:24
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Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor. 2009.09.05 3:21
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The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. 2009.09.05 3:17
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They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-- 2009.09.05 3:13
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them. 2009.09.05 3:9
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. 2009.09.05 3:6
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper. 2009.09.05 3:3
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If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting. 2009.09.05 3:0
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ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI혻! 2009.09.05 2:57
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Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost. 2009.09.05 2:54
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I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth. 2009.09.05 2:50
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My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore. 2009.09.05 2:47
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. 2009.09.05 2:44
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. 2009.09.05 2:41
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Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment. 2009.09.05 2:38
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After every 'victory' you have more enemies. 2009.09.05 2:35
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If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't. 2009.09.05 2:31
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Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall. 2009.09.05 2:28
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Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain 2009.09.05 2:25
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If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting. 2009.09.05 2:21
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ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI혻! 2009.09.05 2:17
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred. 2009.09.05 2:13
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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? 2009.09.05 2:10
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I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass. 2009.09.05 2:7
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture. 2009.09.05 2:4
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Mit der Dummheit k채mpfen G철tter selbst vergebens 2009.09.05 2:0
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The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready. 2009.09.05 1:58
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Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk. 2009.09.05 1:54
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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. 2009.09.05 1:51
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I am not young enough to know everything. 2009.09.05 1:48
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Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration. 2009.09.05 1:45
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. 2009.09.05 1:42
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True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb. 2009.09.05 1:39
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Why don't you write books people can read? 2009.09.05 1:35
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The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself. 2009.09.05 1:32
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Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow. 2009.09.05 1:29
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I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact. 2009.09.05 1:25
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Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment. 2009.09.05 1:21
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Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them. 2009.09.05 1:18
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Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things. 2009.09.05 1:15
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In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is. 2009.09.05 1:11
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Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. 2009.09.05 1:8
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The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy. 2009.09.05 1:5
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Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. 2009.09.05 1:2
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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. 2009.09.05 0:58
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A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar. 2009.09.05 0:55
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Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head. 2009.09.05 0:52
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He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death. 2009.09.05 0:49
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Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains. 2009.09.05 0:40
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Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you. 2009.09.05 0:22
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There is no sincerer love than the love of food. 2009.09.04 23:44
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Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice. 2009.09.04 23:40
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I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less. 2009.09.04 23:37
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You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. 2009.09.04 23:34
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As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air 혰 however slight 혰 lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness. 2009.09.04 23:30
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Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes. 2009.09.04 23:27
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If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. 2009.09.04 23:24
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Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame. 2009.09.04 23:20
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Humor is just another defense against the universe. 2009.09.04 23:17
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To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war. 2009.09.04 23:13
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. 2009.09.04 23:10
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Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street. 2009.09.04 23:6
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Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin. 2009.09.04 23:3
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Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems. 2009.09.04 22:59
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It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both. 2009.09.04 22:55
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If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough. 2009.09.04 22:52
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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. 2009.09.04 22:48
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In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies. 2009.09.04 22:45
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Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. 2009.09.04 22:42
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There is no sincerer love than the love of food. 2009.09.04 22:38
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It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. 2009.09.04 22:35
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The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault. 2009.09.04 22:32
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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time 2009.09.04 22:29
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language. 2009.09.04 22:25
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Total absence of humor renders life impossible. 2009.09.04 22:22
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From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. 2009.09.04 22:19
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University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. 2009.09.04 22:15
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The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side 2009.09.04 22:12
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It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts. 2009.09.04 22:9
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When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.' 2009.09.04 22:5
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If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting. 2009.09.04 22:1
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Men have become the tools of their tools. 2009.09.04 21:58
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? 2009.09.04 21:54
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A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. 2009.09.04 21:51
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I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means. 2009.09.04 21:48
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Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California. 2009.09.04 21:45
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If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. 2009.09.04 21:41
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In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies. 2009.09.04 21:38
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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. 2009.09.04 21:35
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. 2009.09.04 21:32
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C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog 2009.09.04 21:28
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Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs. 2009.09.04 21:25
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I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. 2009.09.04 21:21
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Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++. 2009.09.04 21:18
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Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches. 2009.09.04 21:15
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Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain. 2009.09.04 21:11
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Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd. 2009.09.04 21:7
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I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial. 2009.09.04 21:3
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them. 2009.09.04 21:0
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I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that. 2009.09.04 20:56
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O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum. 2009.09.04 20:53
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Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too. 2009.09.04 20:50
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The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation. 2009.09.04 20:47
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I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that. 2009.09.04 20:44
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Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students! 2009.09.04 20:40
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Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain. 2009.09.04 20:37
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A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives. 2009.09.04 20:33
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The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology. 2009.09.04 20:30
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The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties. 2009.09.04 20:27
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Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it 2009.09.04 20:21
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We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. 2009.09.04 20:12
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Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you. 2009.09.04 19:48
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Men have become the tools of their tools. 2009.09.04 19:45
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To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance 2009.09.04 19:41
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The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions. 2009.09.04 19:38
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You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it. 2009.09.04 19:35
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I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that. 2009.09.04 19:32
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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? 2009.09.04 19:28
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Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer. 2009.09.04 19:25
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Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable. 2009.09.04 19:19
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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. 2009.09.04 19:16
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. 2009.09.04 19:12
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If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons? 2009.09.04 19:9
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. 2009.09.04 19:5
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The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again. 2009.09.04 19:2
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Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. 2009.09.04 18:59
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I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial. 2009.09.04 18:56
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Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too. 2009.09.04 18:53
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Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. 2009.09.04 18:50
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Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. 2009.09.04 18:47
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Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones. 2009.09.04 18:44
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Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do! 2009.09.04 18:41
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Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd. 2009.09.04 18:38
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Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. 2009.09.04 18:35
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In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it. 2009.09.04 18:29
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The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory. 2009.09.04 18:26
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Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. 2009.09.04 18:23
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Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties. 2009.09.04 18:19
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. 2009.09.04 18:16
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If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight. 2009.09.04 18:13
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Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any. 2009.09.04 18:10
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Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done. 2009.09.04 18:6
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C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog 2009.09.04 18:3
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I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass. 2009.09.04 18:0
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Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? 2009.09.04 17:57
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Smith & Wesson 혰 the original point and click interface. 2009.09.04 17:53
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height. 2009.09.04 17:49
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Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet. 2009.09.04 17:45
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.' 2009.09.04 17:41
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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. 2009.09.04 17:38
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Smith & Wesson 혰 the original point and click interface. 2009.09.04 17:34
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The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. 2009.09.04 17:31
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The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all. 2009.09.04 17:27
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The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes! 2009.09.04 17:24
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Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. 2009.09.04 17:21
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I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It. 2009.09.04 17:18
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A model is done when nothing else can be taken out. 2009.09.04 17:15
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The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same. 2009.09.04 17:11
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Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead. 2009.09.04 17:8
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Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end. 2009.09.04 17:5
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Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. 2009.09.04 17:2
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I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California. 2009.09.04 16:59
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A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation. 2009.09.04 16:56
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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 2009.09.04 16:53
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. 2009.09.04 16:50
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'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.' 2009.09.04 16:47
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. 2009.09.04 16:44
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Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. 2009.09.04 16:15
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We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated. 2009.09.04 16:12
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Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on. 2009.09.04 16:9
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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. 2009.09.04 16:6
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It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago. 2009.09.04 16:2
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Premature optimization is the root of all evil. 2009.09.04 15:59
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. 2009.09.04 15:55
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Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. 2009.09.04 15:52
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They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now. 2009.09.04 15:49
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University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. 2009.09.04 15:45
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Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency. 2009.09.04 15:42
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Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done. 2009.09.04 15:39
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Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest. 2009.09.04 15:35
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Black holes are where God divided by zero. 2009.09.04 15:32
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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. 2009.09.04 15:29
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Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people. 2009.09.04 15:25
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Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in. 2009.09.04 15:23
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If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? 2009.09.04 15:20
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It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners. 2009.09.04 15:17
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Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies. 2009.09.04 15:14
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People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do. 2009.09.04 15:11
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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means. 2009.09.04 15:8
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A hen is only an egg혪s way of making another egg. 2009.09.04 15:5
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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock. 2009.09.04 15:2
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To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so. 2009.09.04 14:58
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